After Eli's Death
by JbearInChief
Summary: After the tragic loss of her father, Alyx Vance has trouble coping with her feelings. She begins to develop inexplicable anger towards Gordon, but begins to feel better when two old friends show up.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, Readers! This story takes place after Eli's death and centers around Alyx Vance and her feelings after her father's tragic death. She begins to assess her life, thinking about who matters to her, who doesn't, and what she will do when an old friend makes an unexpected return. By the way, this story ties to my other story, **_**At Black Mesa East**_**. I will be writing another story that will tie to THIS one, about Barney joining the Civil Protection in City 17. If you want to read **_**At Black Mesa East, **_**just visit my profile! **

**As always, reviews are warmly welcomed and much appreciated.**

Eli was dead. No one could fully comprehend it. Nonetheless, the Vortigaunts whisked his body away from the helicopter hangar and buried him. Others picked up broken glass and debris and boarded up broken windows.

That entire evening, no words were really said among the rebels, because no words in the human or even Vortigaunt language could accurately describe the mood in the air. Every single person was sad, beaten-down, worried, gloomy and confused. However, even these heavy words didn't penetrate the many complex levels of their despair. The resistance had lost two important figures in a very short amount of time. The mortality of the resistance stung everyone like a knife in their chest.

Initially the revolution seemed hopeful, possible, and exciting. Now, however, everyone felt doubt, fear, hopelessness, and anguish. While everyone felt the same way, no one wanted to say it- no one _could_ say it or dared to try. How could anyone utter the words that spoke of the possibility that, perhaps in their haste to overthrow the combine, they might have signed the death sentence of humanity?

Alyx Vance was particularly withdrawn. She spent 30 straight minutes crying over her father's deceased body, and violently lashed out at Gordon for pulling her away. She went into her room and sobbed hard the rest of the afternoon and well into the night.

In the dining area and all the sitting areas, silent anguish hung over like a steel cloud- stifling everyone and everything. Even the wind and the crickets didn't have the audacity to make a sound. Gordon Freeman sat alone in a corner of a hangar, staring into a fire numbly.

Suddenly, faint rustling came from outside. Normally the sounds would have been so faint that they would be impossible to hear; but on this silent, somber night the faint sounds exploded into the night like cannon fire. Gordon and some other rebels, fearing that the combine were trying to attack during this weak time, quietly made their way into the forest, searching for the source of such defiant interruption.

Gordon heard footsteps around the building. He quickly whirled around and planted the butt of his gun into Combine armor. Unfortunately, the disheveled looking man with a mane of black hair didn't look amused.

"JESUS, Gordon! What the hell's wrong with ya?" Barney Calhoun yelled into the night- his voice booming with agitation.

Gordon looked slightly mortified, "Barney?" he gasped.

"No, I'm Dr. Breen, now get me UP!" Barney said, holding out his arm.

Gordon hoisted Barney up. Barney surveyed Gordon's group and then his own. Barney's group looked tired and injured, while Gordon's looked solemn and depressed.

"Wh…what's going on, guys?" Barney asked cautiously, his voice lowered.

"Eli….There was an ambush earlier and….they killed Eli. The advisors did." Gordon mumbled, looking down at his feet.

Barney's mouth dropped open and his eyes stared just past Gordon, painting a lock of shock and horror on Barney's face.

"No," Barney whispered, shaking his head slowly, "No. No, no no."

Barney looked at Gordon weakly, hoping that Gordon would bust out a wicked grin and tell him that it was his own sick form of humor. Unfortunately, that grin didn't come.

"What….what are we gonna do?" Barney whispered to no one in particular.

Gordon was almost amazed- Barney was able to ask the question that failed everyone else's mouths.

Barney suddenly shook himself, as if out of a bad dream. He looked back to his group, "You all get to the infirmary if you need to. The rest of you, go see a white forest rebel leader and see if you can make yourselves useful."

Barney then uncharacteristically slumped into the base, Gordon following close behind. In light of the base, Gordon could see Barney's injured and slightly mangled face. He had a cut going over his right eye, a bruise on the cheek below that, and a gash on the lower part of the left side of his lip. Barney's eyes illustrated a sense of weariness that Gordon had never seen on another human being.

As they walked, Barney suddenly turned to Gordon.

"Where's Alyx?" he asked.

"In her room. Down that hall and the last door on the right," Gordon answered, "But I wouldn't go in there, she's really distressed."

Through the exhaustion, Gordon saw a weird determination in Barney's eyes.

"I'm gonna go see her," Barney said flatly.

"I wouldn't. Maybe she just needs some space." Gordon suggested.

However, upon seeing Barney's unwavering determination, Gordon frowned, half-shrugged and simply replied, "Good luck, then."

Barney marched down the hall to the last door on the right. At her door, he tore off his armor and tossed it on the ground, not wanting to wear anything that would remind Alyx of the combine. He slowly turned the knob and walked into her room. She was lying on the bed, facing away from the door. Her body was bouncing with her sorrowful sobbing.

"Alyx?" Barney said softly.

Alyx turned over and practically jumped out of her bed. Her eyes were swollen and red, and were clearly visible in the dim light of her room.

"Barney?" Alxy whispered, stepping towards him.

"Al," Barney mumbled, "I am so…"

However, Barney wasn't able to finish the sentiment before Alyx lunged towards him.

"WHERE WERE YOU!" Alyx shrieked as she cocked a fist and lunged towards Barney. Barney quickly jumped aside and caught her arm with his hand. She tried to swing at him with her other arm, but Barney caught that one too. He wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her close to him. He enveloped her entire body with his arms and held her tight.

"Alyx! Alyx! Don't do this," Barney pleaded.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE! YOU COULD HAVE HELPED US! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE TO HELP! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?" Alyx sobbed, writhing in his arms, trying to break free. She pushed hard against Barney's chest, trying to shove him away. Barney only held her tighter.

"Alyx!" Barney yelled over her sobs and screams, "Alyx! It's okay! It's okay!"

"NO IT'S NOT, YOU BASTARD! YOU ABANDONED US! WE HELPED YOU OUT OF THE CITY AND YOU LET US HERE TO DEFEND OURSELVES- TO LET MY DAD DIE! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Alyx cried.

She pounded her fists against Barney's chest, but he still didn't let go.

"Alyx, don't fight it. Just let it out," Barney said soothingly.

Alyx finally slumped into Barney's arms, giving up her struggle. She sobbed hard into his chest, soaking his shirt with tears. Barney gently rubbed her back, not saying anything.

After several long minutes, Barney finally released Alyx, who looked at him painfully.

"What took you so long?" Alyx mumbled miserably, "I was so scared…"

"I am SO sorry, Al." Barney said, as if begging for forgiveness, "I got here as FAST as I could. The com….We got our asses kicked the whole way up here."

"By the combine?" Alyx said, tears streaming down her face.

Barney put a hand on each of Alyx's shoulders and looked straight into her eyes, "We WILL pay them back. We will take them down. Do you understand? We are NOT giving up until we kill every last goddamn Combine THING on this planet. Do you hear me?"

Alyx looked into his burning eyes and nodded. She finally gave him a warm hug, embracing her long-lost older brother.

"I'm so happy you're okay! Do NOT ever leave anywhere without me, please?" Alyx begged.

"Absolutely, kiddo," Barney said, hugging her back.


	2. Chapter 2

That night Alyx climbed into her bed and Barney took the floor. Alyx tossed Barney down some blankets and pillows and he made a make-shift bed on the floor and slept obediently on it, making Alyx feel much safer. She appreciated having Barney around more than words could express. Though feeling a little bit better, sleep still mockingly eluded the young woman, so she instead began thinking about her past.

Barney mumbled faintly and indistinctively in his sleep. She remembered being a small child, maybe 8 or 9 years old. Before Barney joined the civil protection of City 17, there was a cluster of survivors and Vortigaunts living in houses tucked in the woods- much like the houses her and Gordon found on the road to White Forest. She lived in one of these houses with Barney, her father, Dr. Kleiner, and some other survivors. She was playing with D0g too far outside of their house at the time when she was attacked by an Antlion. D0g, being quite small at the time, was quickly taken down by the Antlion, which stabbed its claws into D0g's wiring. Alyx shrieked and tried to run back towards her house, but tripped over a large rock covered by bushy greenery. The Antlion caught up to her and raised its front legs menacingly. Just before it was about to strike down onto Alyx's chest, Barney shot the creature with a shotgun, blasting it into a million pieces.

Alyx was crying and shaking profusely, so Barney had to carry her all the way back to their house. Barney even went back into the woods to fetch D0g, which was repaired by Eli. That night, Alyx eavesdropped on a conversation between Barney and Eli. Eli was begging Barney to join the "civil protection" at the time, but Barney didn't seem to want to. Eventually Eli reminded Barney that if they stayed in the forest, away from the protection of the combine-controlled cities, they all- including Alyx- would be in constant danger of alien attack. Because of this, Barney finally reluctantly agreed. He joined the Civil Protection of City 17 and hid Eli, Alyx, and Dr. Kleiner in abandoned buildings within the city limits. This kept them safe, established Black Mesa East, and made it easier for the rebels to acquire supplies. Most importantly, they were sheltered by the thumpers that the Combine installed all around the city that kept the aliens away.

Though the concept eluded her at the time, she quickly grew to realize the sacrifice Barney had made to keep her, her father, Dr. Kleiner, and all the other rebels safe. Barney had to do unspeakable, cruel, dehumanizing things to innocent people in order to maintain his status as a CP, which grew increasingly valuable in order to get information about the combine, keep citizens safe, and hide people who would have been killed otherwise.

Barney protected Alyx during the Black Mesa Incident, and continued to do so for close to 20 years. To Alyx, if that wasn't the epitome of a protective older brother, she didn't know what was. She appreciated Barney more than she could describe, which made her feel increasingly bad that she lashed out at him the way she did. The next day, she snuck out of her room while Barney slept and fetched an especially large helping of food and made her way back to her room. When she opened the door, Barney sat up instinctively and looked up at her.

"Where'd you go?" Barney asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"To get you food," Alyx replied with a faint smile, "I wanted to apologize for what I said last night. It wasn't your fault, and there wasn't anything you could have done. If anything, it might have risked you getting killed as well, and that would…I wouldn't be able to handle THAT."

"Hey!" Barney said, standing up. He took the tray of food from her and set it on a desk next to them, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Don't think about stuff like that, okay? You haven't been able to shake me after THIS long, so I'm here to stay."

Alyx smiled and hugged him, "I'm gonna hold you to that. You're my family, Barney. And I can't stand another loss, so you can't go anywhere."

Barney nodded and hugged her back. He finished his food gratefully before a Vortigaunt came in and told Alyx and Barney that a funeral service for her father would take place at noon.

Alyx looked down at her feet, still unable and unwilling to accept her father was gone. She considered not going to the service, but knew that her father deserved it. Eli lost so much and sacrificed a lot to keep Alyx safe- even until the bitter end when he went up against a Combine Advisor that was attacking them. She knew that she had to go and say goodbye to her father, but more importantly she wanted to promise him that they would fulfill his wishes and destroy the Borealis and take down the Combine once and for all.


	3. Chapter 3

The service was attended by what Alyx guessed was every rebel at White Forest. Dr. Kleiner had tears welling in his eyes, and even Dr. Magnussan looked solemn and miserable. Eli's body was already buried by the Vortigaunts, so everyone stood at a marker of his resting spot, which was under a shady tree outside of White Forest Base.

"We mourn the loss of the Eli Vance in physical form, but let us not forget that his Vortal cord remains firmly tied to those who remember him well," a Vortigaunt, Urdur said at Eli's service, "The cords of existence can only be severed, and one can only truly be lost, when those who remain in the physical plane cease to remember that.

"The Eli Vance remains not only in our memories," Urdur continued, "but in the wind that pushes us forward, the sun that gives us life, the Earth that strengthens us, and the water that sustains us. The Eli Vance will be with us, always."

Surprisingly, Alyx found much comfort and shocking poignancy and truthfulness in these words. It made her feel considerably better, and the thought of avenging her father's death pushed her onward. Over the next three days, Alyx dove into repairing the chopper, which sustained some damage in the advisor attack.

Unfortunately, she thought about her mission- finding the Borealis. She didn't want Gordon to go with her, and had actually been avoiding him for the past three days. She somewhat felt like the Advisor attack was partly his fault, as trouble always found Gordon and because the Combine were looking for "Anticitizen One," which led them to White Forest- and to her father. She knew that these feelings were childish, and she knew that Gordon cared about her father and would never intend to put him in harm's way, so she kept these feelings to herself. However, she wasn't able to shake them. She began feeling kind of guilty, especially every time Gordon passed her on accident. He would look at her sympathetically, but the best Alyx could do was look away and avoid eye-contact.

On the night of the third day, Gordon cornered Alyx in a room alone, and finally confronted her.

"Hey, Al. How are you feeling?" Gordon asked cautiously.

"I'm fine. Uhm…well, good enough," Alyx mumbled, looking at her feet.

"That can't possibly be true. You lost your father. You can't convince me that you're fine," Gordon rebutted.

"Well, talking about it endlessly isn't going to bring my dad back, so there's really no point, is there?" Alyx said with a faint sneer.

"See!" Gordon said, "It's THAT! You're suddenly angry with me. Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Geez, Gordon!" Alyx said, rolling her eyes, "The whole 'one free man' crap has gotten to your head! You're not the center of my universe like you are the rebels'- sorry to break it to you. I appreciate you partnering up with me and helping me to get here, but beyond that-….well, there's NOTHING beyond that, really."

Gordon turned scarlet red, "I'm not saying it's about ME, I'm just saying there's a clear difference in how you are acting-"

"Because my dad died! I'm sorry I can't be chipper all the time, but I'm pretty upset about losing him." Alyx replied incredulously, throwing her hands up near her head, "It has NOTHING to do with you! I barely even KNOW you!"

Gordon looked a flustered, so he simply mumbled, "Whatever," before finally walking away.

Alyx felt bad for lying- she wasn't really a liar. However, she felt like it was the better thing to do rather than admitting that she was, in fact, pissed off at Gordon.

"His stupid ego doesn't need a boost by telling him I'm upset with him," Alyx spat bitterly to herself, "He doesn't need to think that he's the center of my world, when really the only context of which I think about him is how he's responsible for my dad's death!"

The next day, the chopper was pretty much ready when Barney walked up to her.

"Hey, Al. We are getting some radio traffic from a base east of here. Doesn't sound so great. Is there any way this thing's gonna be ready soon?"

"Should be today, actually," Alyx said, "We can get them as soon as you want to."

"Alright. Two hours sound good?" Barney asked.

"Alright, no problem," Alyx said.

Alyx and some other rebels scrambled to get the chopper ready. Barney entered the hangar with Gordon.

"You ready to go, Al?" Barney asked.

Alyx looked at Gordon, frowning, "Uhm…actually, I really don't feel up to flying. Uhm…you can take Greg with you. He's a better flyer anyways."

"Well, we really could use ya, but okay, I guess," Barney said with a frown.

D0g helped pull the helicopter out and they flew off. Alyx didn't understand her anger towards Gordon, but didn't think that flying alone with him and Barney would really help.

When they got back, they were joined by 10 other people, crammed in the chopper. Alyx surveyed the group, seeing the new additions. Alyx walked up to the group, and to Barney.

"What happened?" she asked.

"They were surrounded by flushed-out Combine. I guess there used to be 30 of them, but…only 10 survived."

Alyx put her hand over her mouth, "Oh, god!" she whispered, "Well, I'm gonna get the chopper ready to go try and find Mossman and the Borealis."

She was about to go into the hangar to find get ready to work on the chopper, when suddenly a familiar voice spoke behind her.

"Not gun-na say 'hi' to an old friend, Alyx Vance?" the voice asked.

Everyone looked around, including Barney and Gordon. Alyx whirled around on her heels. She saw a man sporting a sideways grin. He had medium brown untidy hair, a light brown beard, and blue eyes so piercing they could puncture steel.

Alyx gasped and threw her hand over her mouth.

"Eric?" she breathed.

"Alyx," the man said, "You know I can't hear you when you whisper. AND you're covering your mouth? That's just not fair," the man joked.

Alyx stared in disbelief for a second before running towards the man and leaping into his arms. They were both laughing as Eric swept Alyx off her feet and hugged her tightly.

"Eric…. Eric…." Barney said, trying to remember something.

"Barney! It's ERIC! Remember?" Alyx asked.

"He doesn't remember me. I'm sort of offended," Eric said.

"Barney!" Alyx said incredulously, "From Ravelholm? You sent him to City 8 to be with his family?"

Barney's eyes suddenly lit up, "OH, WOW! I remember you now! WOW you look different!" Barney said enthusiastically. He went up and shook the man's hand fervently.

"Haven't been able to shave- I look homeless!" Eric said with a laugh.

Eric had his arm around a beaming Alyx. She turned back to him and smiled.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Alyx said, "We have a LOT to talk about, though and little time to do so."

Alyx took Eric by the hand and led him inside the base. Gordon stared at them, baffled.

"Is that….an old boyfriend, or something…?" Gordon asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I dunno," Barney said, "Eric used to be at Black Mesa East about a year ago, and then I sent him to City 8 because his family was there. I don't know if they were in love, but they sure were close."

Gordon frowned and became flushed red. He slumped off miserably to his room, confused as to why Alyx was so cold towards him, and agitated that it seemed he would still have to wait to find out.

**Well, that's it for this little saga. I intentionally left it at kind of a cliffhanger because I'm setting up a spring-point for if I choose to continue this story line (reviews would be helpful in encouraging me to do so ;-) *wink*) I already have 2 other stories in the works: one about Barney becoming a CP, and one about Gordon's feelings after Eli's death.**

**Of course, any reviews, comments, critiques, etc. would be nice. **


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